Mad Libs
much madness is divinest sense to a discerning eye
Amazon SUCKS!!! 
23rd-Nov-2007 12:32 pm
OMG.  So I just tried to place an order on Amazon.  Part of this is becuase I live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to get some things within a few hundred miles and amazon is convenient one stop shopping.  Some of it was music, some of it was video games and supplies, and some was food products that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.  Nothing on sale.  It amounted to around $250.  So I go to make the order.  At checkout, I opt for free shipping.  After all, it will take 5-9 business days.  And Christmas is nearly 35 DAYS away.  Shouldn't be a problem. 

Uh.  No.

Fucking Amazon says oh!  these items won't get there until after December 25th.  Excuse me?  It will take you more than 35 days to ship a handful of video games and otherwise that are supposedly IN STOCK?  But if I pay I can have them sooner?  But exactly how much sooner?  Because if you're lying about the delivery time on the free shipping, what makes you believe I'll invest in shipping just to find out oooops!  Won't get here in time. 

I cannot believe it.  I mean, most companies make their money (go from red to black, hence the term Black Friday) starting today.  But Amazon ain't getting my money.  I sent them an email saying WTF?  But I doubt they'll care.  I mean, talk about stupid. 


Now even if I didn't want some of this stuff for Christmas, which I do, I won't be home for a couple of weeks after, so then it would probably sit on porch and get stolen or explode in the cold.  Okay, might not explode, but you get my point.

I am boggled.  Simply boggled.  If there's one time of year NOT to piss off your customers, it's now.  And add to that that it's more than a month until Christmas and they can't deliver?  I have to wonder what kind of complete and total idiots are running the place.  I was going to try to make a metaphor for the stupidity, but I can't at the moment come up with anything or anybody who could possibly be more stupid, though I don't have my Darwin award book handy.

ETA:  Call me nuclear-boggled. Turns out you can't pay for shipping and get it before Christmas. 

So Amazon, let me ask you, exactly when does a person have to start ordering something in order to get it before Christmas?  And could you not post a warning on your website to the effect?

DEAR AMAZON CUSTOMERS, WE'RE SORRY THAT WE BLOW CHUNKS IN OUR SERVICE CAPACITY.  IN FACT WE HAVE NO SERVICE CAPACITY.  WE MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO BE UNABLE TO SERVICE YOU AND TOWARD THAT END, WE WILL NOT BE SHIPPING ANY ITEMS FOR ANY REASON BEFORE CHRISTMAS UNLESS YOU ORDER BY JULY 1.  OH, WAIT, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME.  MAKE IT MAY1.  OH, NO.  TO BE REALLY SURE, PLEASE ORDER FOR NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS BETWEEN DECEMBER 26TH AND DECEMBER 30 OF THE PREVIOUS YEAR. IF YOU PAY FOR EXPEDITED SHIPPING, WE MAY (THOUGH WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE LYING TO YOU) GET IT THERE BY CHRISTMAS EVE.  IF NOT, WE WILL SURELY HAVE IT FOR YOU BY THE FOLLOWING CHRISTMAS.  OR MAYBE THE ONE AFTER.  SOMETIME IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.  REALLY. 
Twitch
Comments 
23rd-Nov-2007 09:05 pm (UTC)
Have you informed Amazon that they just lost you as a customer and your 250 order? Squeek loud and well, it might get something done.
23rd-Nov-2007 09:43 pm (UTC)
they claimed the same thing for my order a few weeks ago, and it still arrived well within the 5-9 days. I don't know what bug is in their software's ass, but they need to get someone with a flashlight and a pair of pliers down there, stat....

Edited at 2007-11-23 09:44 pm (UTC)
23rd-Nov-2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
And what sucks is that if you go somewhere else, most likely they are owned by Amazon and you are still fubarred... poor Di!! You would think for $250 that they would make the effort. Let alone it's probably only one item that won't ship and they will hold back the whole order. I've seen that before. I know they don't deserve your time, but if you called, they may be able to tell you which item is causing a back order... just a thought. Good luck!!
23rd-Nov-2007 10:08 pm (UTC)
Now you know why I deal with B&N.com or Powells.com
23rd-Nov-2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Now, that is REALLY odd, because according to their customer service page (http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=4114671) you can recieve your holiday items in time for x-mas so long as your order is completed by:

Monday 17 Dec - for free shipping
Tuesday 18 Dec - Standard shipping
Weds 19 Dec - 2 day shipping (!)
Thursday 20 Dec - 2 day shipping orders placed before 3 pm
Friday 21 Dec - 1 day shipping
Saturday 22 Dec - 1 day shipping orders placed before 3 pm

I am sure that won't change your mind about ordering from amazon, after dealing with their customer service, but that is what they have put out to the masses.
24th-Nov-2007 12:26 am (UTC)
I have really mixed feelings about Amazon, but to be honest, I'm not sure if my problems were with them or the Post Office. I've ordered stuff through Amazon with some incredibly quick results and with the items in perfect condition. But a few months ago, I ordered a new season of the Simpsons, and the box arrived sopping wet with a broken case and three very scratched discs. If they'd delivered it straight to my grubby little hands, I'd be quick to blame Amazon. But it arrived through the Post Office, which makes me cock my head and wonder. Because, you know, I love the good ol' USPS.

As it is, I've got one question. Were the items you ordered through Amazon itself or through a partner store and purchased through Amazon? If they were actually purchased from a partner store, say Target or JB's Electronics, those items are going to take weeks longer both to process and ship. It sucks, but it can be alleviated by either dealing with that company directly through its own website or by seeing if Amazon doesn't offer the product through its main store. If that's not the case and Amazon is still telling you it will be weeks, I'm frankly baffled. That's just horrible PR.
24th-Nov-2007 01:36 am (UTC)
Earlier this year, January 16 if you scroll back through my blog, I made an order from Amazon for a couple of books and two things from Iron Claw. They told me the order would be a couple of months. A couple months passed and I got an email that it would be a couple more months. I think around 5-6 was the point when I cancelled the order, made a smaller one and ordered teh Iron Claw stuff directly from the game company. Two days later, I had my Iron Claw stuff. :)

But, I've seen it from the other side too. For my first book, my brother ordered a couple copies from Amazon. 30 days later, nothing and he called to say he hadn't gotten them. He also said "wait another 30 days" on the mail. That went on for three months before he got frustrated. I turned around and called my publisher, asking them what the hell was going on. THey said they forgot to ship books to Amazon and they went out the next week. A week later, my brother finally got his books, but it wasn't for me calling my publisher, he would have waited another couple of months.
~ visit the website for more information about current and upcoming works, and to read excerpts!