Mad Libs
much madness is divinest sense to a discerning eye
current 
23rd-Nov-2007 12:32 pm - Amazon SUCKS!!!
OMG.  So I just tried to place an order on Amazon.  Part of this is becuase I live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to get some things within a few hundred miles and amazon is convenient one stop shopping.  Some of it was music, some of it was video games and supplies, and some was food products that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.  Nothing on sale.  It amounted to around $250.  So I go to make the order.  At checkout, I opt for free shipping.  After all, it will take 5-9 business days.  And Christmas is nearly 35 DAYS away.  Shouldn't be a problem. 

Uh.  No.

Fucking Amazon says oh!  these items won't get there until after December 25th.  Excuse me?  It will take you more than 35 days to ship a handful of video games and otherwise that are supposedly IN STOCK?  But if I pay I can have them sooner?  But exactly how much sooner?  Because if you're lying about the delivery time on the free shipping, what makes you believe I'll invest in shipping just to find out oooops!  Won't get here in time. 

I cannot believe it.  I mean, most companies make their money (go from red to black, hence the term Black Friday) starting today.  But Amazon ain't getting my money.  I sent them an email saying WTF?  But I doubt they'll care.  I mean, talk about stupid. 


Now even if I didn't want some of this stuff for Christmas, which I do, I won't be home for a couple of weeks after, so then it would probably sit on porch and get stolen or explode in the cold.  Okay, might not explode, but you get my point.

I am boggled.  Simply boggled.  If there's one time of year NOT to piss off your customers, it's now.  And add to that that it's more than a month until Christmas and they can't deliver?  I have to wonder what kind of complete and total idiots are running the place.  I was going to try to make a metaphor for the stupidity, but I can't at the moment come up with anything or anybody who could possibly be more stupid, though I don't have my Darwin award book handy.

ETA:  Call me nuclear-boggled. Turns out you can't pay for shipping and get it before Christmas. 

So Amazon, let me ask you, exactly when does a person have to start ordering something in order to get it before Christmas?  And could you not post a warning on your website to the effect?

DEAR AMAZON CUSTOMERS, WE'RE SORRY THAT WE BLOW CHUNKS IN OUR SERVICE CAPACITY.  IN FACT WE HAVE NO SERVICE CAPACITY.  WE MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO BE UNABLE TO SERVICE YOU AND TOWARD THAT END, WE WILL NOT BE SHIPPING ANY ITEMS FOR ANY REASON BEFORE CHRISTMAS UNLESS YOU ORDER BY JULY 1.  OH, WAIT, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME.  MAKE IT MAY1.  OH, NO.  TO BE REALLY SURE, PLEASE ORDER FOR NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS BETWEEN DECEMBER 26TH AND DECEMBER 30 OF THE PREVIOUS YEAR. IF YOU PAY FOR EXPEDITED SHIPPING, WE MAY (THOUGH WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE LYING TO YOU) GET IT THERE BY CHRISTMAS EVE.  IF NOT, WE WILL SURELY HAVE IT FOR YOU BY THE FOLLOWING CHRISTMAS.  OR MAYBE THE ONE AFTER.  SOMETIME IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.  REALLY. 
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